We completed all the passport photos and then had our guide ask if we could visit the orphanage (sometimes they say no). I told them I only cared to see the room Chloe was in so they agreed. It was about a 30 minute drive outside the city to her orphanage. One of the officers rode with us. I had to hold back my tears as we drove through one of the most poor areas I have ever seen. I have never been to a third world country, but I imagine it to be similar. Everything was so dirty...laundry hanging everywhere in the dust and pollution and filth.
When we pulled up at the orphanage I was pleasantly surprised that it could possibly be so nice given the surrounding area. There was a fairly decent playground, but there were no children anywhere to be seen.
I have read that many of the O's have playgrounds and toys but the children are never allowed to play. We waited outside for them to prepare for us. The officer took our donations and never even said thank you or acted like they appreciated them. That would have been fine had I seen them being put to use. The children were in filthy, old clothes...nothing from our previous shipments. When we were finely allowed in Chloe's room at the LOCC it's like I was on overload...I wanted to take in every detail, check on babies for their mamas, get great pictures, and most of all love on some babies. Heart breaking really doesn't do it justice. I am pretty convinced the scene was set for us "foreigners". The babies were out of their cribs (except one with albinism who was in his crib so miserable covered in bug bites). Many babies were screaming (two looked newly abandoned) and most were rocking back and forth to self soothe. There were no toys. The nannies had turned on some rap music (odd I know) and when I put Chloe down she danced:) The nannies took her from us, but she didn't really react. I had so many questions, but the only one I could think to ask was what kind of bottle she was using. They brought out the same cleft bottles I had brought which made this mama happy that she had something she was used too. I tried to look at and talk to each baby...I got on the floor and danced with them. There just wasn't enough time. As we said good-bye and walked out of the those doors forever with our daughter the tears flowed freely. Chloe is no longer an orphan, but there are still so many...the newborns especially just broke my heart...I feel like they will scream until they realize no one will come to me and then cry no longer. Chloe is great a self-soothing which you would think would be good under normal circumstances, but not given the fact that it is how she survived for 13 months. We are forever changed because of that experience...we have so much...they have so little...parents are forced to make some unthinkable decisions and as a result so many babies suffer.
"Orphans are easier to ignore before you know their names. They are easier to ignore before you see their faces. It is easier to pretend they're not real before you had them in your arms.
But once you do everything changes." -David Platt
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