A fellow DTC Fall/Winter fb friend posted this today!! I had to share here...it is just soooo good!
Adoption Makes Six: Impatience simply means...: Today I want to share with you a journal post that a fellow adoptive parent shared with me as she attempted succeeded to encourage me ...
Wednesday, January 23, 2013
Monday, January 21, 2013
One of THOSE DAYS!
As the days go by since our LID, my thoughts never seem to be far from our daughter. Today is one of the those days my hearts longs to know her face. Today is one of those days I just want to know WHEN! Today is one of those days I want to be able to make plans for the future. Today is one of those days I want to tell Halie yes the boys will be her ring bearers because for sure we won't be traveling on her wedding date. Today is one of those days I want to tell my mom yes, book a cruise because we will have traveled by then. Today is just one of those days...
Monday, January 14, 2013
Hoping and wishing and praying
A couple of quick Gavin and Ethan sayings before I call it a night (so I don't forget).Yesterday as we were finishing our drive to Nick's Aunt's in Titusville (a 45 min car ride) Gavin sighed and said "this is so much farther than China!" It's funny because the week before he told me out of the blue that he would not be going to China on an airplane....he would stay with PapaEm. When I said that I wasn't sure about that because I would miss him so he responded without missing a beat, "don't be silly mommy I will be fine." Ok one more cute thing...Ethan also has China on the brain...we were quizzing him the other day about where people lived. We said where do PapaEm live? He also without missing a beat responded "China," We laugh because he knows so much about China and can find it on the map, but not the United States...which tells where his parent's hearts lie!
Night friends...praying my next post is about our daughter!!!
Monday, January 7, 2013
2012 Testimony
In church on Sunday we were asked to reflect on the way God has worked in our life in 2012. And I started thinking what is my 2012 Testimony?
If you read this blog you know that 2012 was the year that we began the adoption process...probably the biggest step in faith for us ever. So my testimony is very specific to this process and how God has shown Himself thoughout this journey.
One of the most important things I learned in 2012 is that prayer is powerful and that no prayer is too big or small for God. In the beginning of this journey I was lonely...I wanted to talk adoption all the time and let's face it not everyone wants to hear it. I prayed for a friend to walk through this journey with. Not long after that prayer, my parent's met a family in my hometown going through the process with our same agency and also fundraising! AMAZING and ALL GOD! Another specific answer to gigantic sized prayer was open doors for us to meet the major financial obligations of adoption without going into debt. As I write this, we are praising God that there will be NO MORE PETERMAN FUNDRAISERS...yes, you heard that right folks!! WE HAVE ALL WE NEED TO FUND THE REST OF OUR ADOPTION! Thank you JESUS! And if that wasn't enough, I have been praying for a way to start an adoption/orphan ministry and God has provided a means for me to do just that! He hasn't reveal all the details just yet...but it is going to happen! He has shown me that CLEARLY!
I have also learned the importance of not merely listening to the word, but doing what it says (James 1:22). Listen, I have spent a life of being a listener and not a doer, a spiritually complacent Christian. There is just simply no reward in that. Living God's Word is so much more fulfilling than just reading it. I struggle a lot...there are times I want to be a reader and not a doer...life was so much easier then, but not one bit fulfilling. "Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap the harvest if we do not give up." Galatians 6:9...so thankful for this passage.
Lastly, in 2012 God gave me a burden for orphans. He has opened my eyes to life outside of suburbia. It isn't pretty. It's downright heartbreaking, but I am thankful to Him for creating this passion in me to be an advocate for those who cannot advocate for themselves. God says in Proverbs 31:8-9 Speak up for those who cannot speak for themselves; ensure justice for those being crushed. Yes, speak up for the poor and helpless, and see that they get justice. God, continue to help me speak up for the helpless.
All of this to say, 2012 didn't bring Baby Sister (it almost did) and it wasn't all flowers and roses, but it was GOOD and God is faithful ALL THE TIME!
If you read this blog you know that 2012 was the year that we began the adoption process...probably the biggest step in faith for us ever. So my testimony is very specific to this process and how God has shown Himself thoughout this journey.
One of the most important things I learned in 2012 is that prayer is powerful and that no prayer is too big or small for God. In the beginning of this journey I was lonely...I wanted to talk adoption all the time and let's face it not everyone wants to hear it. I prayed for a friend to walk through this journey with. Not long after that prayer, my parent's met a family in my hometown going through the process with our same agency and also fundraising! AMAZING and ALL GOD! Another specific answer to gigantic sized prayer was open doors for us to meet the major financial obligations of adoption without going into debt. As I write this, we are praising God that there will be NO MORE PETERMAN FUNDRAISERS...yes, you heard that right folks!! WE HAVE ALL WE NEED TO FUND THE REST OF OUR ADOPTION! Thank you JESUS! And if that wasn't enough, I have been praying for a way to start an adoption/orphan ministry and God has provided a means for me to do just that! He hasn't reveal all the details just yet...but it is going to happen! He has shown me that CLEARLY!
I have also learned the importance of not merely listening to the word, but doing what it says (James 1:22). Listen, I have spent a life of being a listener and not a doer, a spiritually complacent Christian. There is just simply no reward in that. Living God's Word is so much more fulfilling than just reading it. I struggle a lot...there are times I want to be a reader and not a doer...life was so much easier then, but not one bit fulfilling. "Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap the harvest if we do not give up." Galatians 6:9...so thankful for this passage.
Lastly, in 2012 God gave me a burden for orphans. He has opened my eyes to life outside of suburbia. It isn't pretty. It's downright heartbreaking, but I am thankful to Him for creating this passion in me to be an advocate for those who cannot advocate for themselves. God says in Proverbs 31:8-9 Speak up for those who cannot speak for themselves; ensure justice for those being crushed. Yes, speak up for the poor and helpless, and see that they get justice. God, continue to help me speak up for the helpless.
All of this to say, 2012 didn't bring Baby Sister (it almost did) and it wasn't all flowers and roses, but it was GOOD and God is faithful ALL THE TIME!
Saturday, January 5, 2013
I Know the Plans I Have Made For You...
For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Jeremiah 29:11
I have a thousand thoughts running through my mind...this has been one of the toughest weeks I can remember in a very long time. Over and over in my head though I can hear this bible verse...giving me hope. Hope for our future, hope for a precious little ones future.
On New Years Eve at approximately 6:30 pm we received the call we have been waiting on for almost a year-CCAI Denver, Colorado. I about fainted...this really was happening on NYE!!!?? Such a sweet, sweet surprise! The call was about an 18 month little girl living in a foster home in China with bilateral clubfeet who needed a mommy and daddy. Nick and I had a few friends over so we didn't look at her file right away. The friends quickly scurried along knowing how anxious we were to get to the computer. Once we put the boys to bed and prayed we opened up the file to a face I will not likely forget. Our prayer has been for a long time now that we would just "know" without a doubt that when we received a file she was ours. And we did know...she is the most precious little thing I have dreamed of seeing for years. She is so full of life and healthy with these chunky little cheeks I could eat for dinner. Not your normal referral pictures by any means...at least not what we expected. Happy, healthy, and thriving! Her developmental milestones looked great and even her little feet looked pretty good. She was ours if the dr. said yes...we both agreed instantly. I spent the next hours of NYE texting and calling those closest to us with the amazing news that on NYE we were given our little girl.
I don't think I slept a wink that night....such excitement. We spent the next morning looking at her pictures and doing research on clubfeet. Ethan even got his crib converted in anticipation of this sweet little girl coming home. I sent her file to a dr. in Michigan for review praying that even though it was New Year's Day we would get a response...an all clear. Several hours later, that dr. called and told us news I wouldn't accept with just one phone call. News that her condition was more severe than we ever could have imagined. I got off the phone in tears, but refusing to believe she could really know what she was talking about. I researched and researched and researched some more...I was finding that all what the dr. said was quite possible, but I still couldn't imagine that she wasn't ours. In the hours that followed I forced myself away from her pictures and research to enjoy my family on New Year's Day, but this great ache would not leave. I held on hope that the next day would bring better news from our boy's pediatrician and another physician out of Cincinnati who we had contacted to review her file. The next day and the day after revealed the same prognosis. This sweet little girl has a significant spinal malformation that would require neurosurgery almost immediately upon her return home with a possible lifetime of complications, and indeed, her club feet are a result of neurological issues. Our heads knew we had never signed up for these kinds of needs, but our hearts were still saying yes. Wasn't she "the least of these" after all? We spent those grueling days crying and praying over her...feeling selfish if we said no, but knowing we would also be selfish if we said yes. We were reminded by several of the physicians we needed to consider how this would impact our current family-our 2 year old and 4 year old, our marriage, and our finances. To me at the time, those considerations also felt selfish. There was a little girl who we felt like we were given for a reason that needed help maybe more than any others...how could we walk away? Plus we were already in love, planning her homecoming. I think when we left our trusted pediatricians office we knew that we couldn't say yes...but actually saying it was one of the hardest things I have ever had to do. I am thankful for those other adoptive mom's who counseled me on this road they have walked before me. No one should have to say no to a file, but I am thankful for those who have gone through it and could remind me that there is a family for her, that the information we uncovered can be used to help her and that family, that our girl is out there and soon we will have no doubts. Though even knowing all of that I can't say that I feel better. It sucks...totally sucks...there is no other way to say it. Although I have deleted her file and all her pictures I can't get her face out of my head. On top of the emotional heartache, I was plagued with the stomach flu...so I can pretty confidently say our New Year's went from the highest of highs to the lowest of lows. But through it all we are reminded of God's promises for us and for that little one who we love.
For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Jeremiah 29:11
I have a thousand thoughts running through my mind...this has been one of the toughest weeks I can remember in a very long time. Over and over in my head though I can hear this bible verse...giving me hope. Hope for our future, hope for a precious little ones future.
On New Years Eve at approximately 6:30 pm we received the call we have been waiting on for almost a year-CCAI Denver, Colorado. I about fainted...this really was happening on NYE!!!?? Such a sweet, sweet surprise! The call was about an 18 month little girl living in a foster home in China with bilateral clubfeet who needed a mommy and daddy. Nick and I had a few friends over so we didn't look at her file right away. The friends quickly scurried along knowing how anxious we were to get to the computer. Once we put the boys to bed and prayed we opened up the file to a face I will not likely forget. Our prayer has been for a long time now that we would just "know" without a doubt that when we received a file she was ours. And we did know...she is the most precious little thing I have dreamed of seeing for years. She is so full of life and healthy with these chunky little cheeks I could eat for dinner. Not your normal referral pictures by any means...at least not what we expected. Happy, healthy, and thriving! Her developmental milestones looked great and even her little feet looked pretty good. She was ours if the dr. said yes...we both agreed instantly. I spent the next hours of NYE texting and calling those closest to us with the amazing news that on NYE we were given our little girl.
I don't think I slept a wink that night....such excitement. We spent the next morning looking at her pictures and doing research on clubfeet. Ethan even got his crib converted in anticipation of this sweet little girl coming home. I sent her file to a dr. in Michigan for review praying that even though it was New Year's Day we would get a response...an all clear. Several hours later, that dr. called and told us news I wouldn't accept with just one phone call. News that her condition was more severe than we ever could have imagined. I got off the phone in tears, but refusing to believe she could really know what she was talking about. I researched and researched and researched some more...I was finding that all what the dr. said was quite possible, but I still couldn't imagine that she wasn't ours. In the hours that followed I forced myself away from her pictures and research to enjoy my family on New Year's Day, but this great ache would not leave. I held on hope that the next day would bring better news from our boy's pediatrician and another physician out of Cincinnati who we had contacted to review her file. The next day and the day after revealed the same prognosis. This sweet little girl has a significant spinal malformation that would require neurosurgery almost immediately upon her return home with a possible lifetime of complications, and indeed, her club feet are a result of neurological issues. Our heads knew we had never signed up for these kinds of needs, but our hearts were still saying yes. Wasn't she "the least of these" after all? We spent those grueling days crying and praying over her...feeling selfish if we said no, but knowing we would also be selfish if we said yes. We were reminded by several of the physicians we needed to consider how this would impact our current family-our 2 year old and 4 year old, our marriage, and our finances. To me at the time, those considerations also felt selfish. There was a little girl who we felt like we were given for a reason that needed help maybe more than any others...how could we walk away? Plus we were already in love, planning her homecoming. I think when we left our trusted pediatricians office we knew that we couldn't say yes...but actually saying it was one of the hardest things I have ever had to do. I am thankful for those other adoptive mom's who counseled me on this road they have walked before me. No one should have to say no to a file, but I am thankful for those who have gone through it and could remind me that there is a family for her, that the information we uncovered can be used to help her and that family, that our girl is out there and soon we will have no doubts. Though even knowing all of that I can't say that I feel better. It sucks...totally sucks...there is no other way to say it. Although I have deleted her file and all her pictures I can't get her face out of my head. On top of the emotional heartache, I was plagued with the stomach flu...so I can pretty confidently say our New Year's went from the highest of highs to the lowest of lows. But through it all we are reminded of God's promises for us and for that little one who we love.
For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Jeremiah 29:11
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