Hard is just Hard

Eleven months ago...some days it feels like its been 11 months...other days I feel like we were just in China last week. This time last year I was taking a break from work, aching for travel approval, and frantically and emotionally preparing the leave for China. If I am being honest, these last months have been the most difficult, yet rewarding, ever. My friend Kristy recently wrote a post called Simple Truth: When Hard Isn't Easy! I keep going back to her post because I so can relate and I am sure so many of you can as well. Our "hards" all look different...Kristy is a foster mama and has 4 biological children...me, I am an adoptive mama, but maybe the "hard" is infertility, maybe it's loss of a job, cancer,  maybe it's moving when you are perfectly content right where you are. 

Hard is just, well, it's just hard. -Kristy Sutton

We don't often choose hard in this life. We choose comfort, ease and familiarity. But the things worth doing here will most likely carry us away from convenience. -Kristy Sutton 

So our family has decided to choose hard alongside Kristy and so many others. 

Here's what it means for us....

Hard means we chase around a toddler hours each day who doesn't know how to play or attend to an activity. It means we give up a lot of things and friendships because our lives are filled with doctors and therapies. It means oral motor exercises, brushing protocols, massage, and feeling like you never can do enough. Hard means spending less time with our boys and feeling pulled in 5 million directions. It means cleaning up food, bowls, and toys that are thrown countless times a day because our little one can't seem to self regulate. Hard means less money in our bank account. It means night terrors and frustration. Hard means not being the best husband or wife because there is no energy left at the end of the day.

and here's where it gets beautiful...

Hard also means watching a child grow and change and blossom right before your eyes. It means finding joy in little things like watching your daughter pretend play for the first time ever. Hard means an abandoned baby will never know what's it like to wake up alone another day. Hard means eyes that were filled with despair are now filled with light. It means huge applause when your child uses a word instead of a cry. Hard is a face where there was once no expression, but is now filled with huge smiles and belly laughs. Hard means thinking every single day about the mother who gave up her special needs child to live!

so when you say to me, I could never do what you do...its too hard, I know what you mean. really. I do. But I know what you don't know...and probably never will. Hard isn't easy, but its beautiful. -Kristy Sutton 

Chloe's Elmo 2nd birthday

We had such a great weekend celebrating our little love. I love planning parties and it was so fun to plan my first "girlie" bash! Chloe LOVES Elmo and says "Elmo" all the time so I went with him for the theme. I tried to incorporate all the things she loves and I think it was a hit...atleast for her. Gavin was pretty upset it was a "baby" party, but he also enjoyed himself, I think, once the music, dancing, and singing portion finished. I had planned to keep the party pretty simple and small, but ended up collecting quite a bit of stuff and Auntie Andrea supplied all the candy which was one of Chloe's favs! My sweet friend Jaime made one of my favorite pieces of decor...pictures of Chloe from our first days until now all shaped like a 2! It is really amazing to see them all lined up and the complete transformation she's made. All in all it was a wonderful weekend. I am one tired mama especially given our night ended with a car accident for Nick. Thankfully, he is ok and no one else was hurt but his car and another were towed and we were at the seen until 12:30 am after the party. So, today, Chloe's official birthday, we enjoyed some low key fun...pool, naps, Chili's, and Congo River. Mama is off to bed! Happy 2nd Birthday Raezie Girl! We love you soooo very much!

 

Chloe turns TWO

 

This day in China one year ago our baby girl celebrated with a cake we sent with nannies in her orphanage. Today she will have a small party with her FAMILY and so many who love her. In perfect Chloe style, there will be balloons, music, dancing, and cheese!!! 

 

 

I can't believe she is turning two...she has grown and changed so much since the day we first laid eyes on her 13 short months ago.

 

To celebrate this momentous occasion, I wanted her to have a smash cake and pictures just like she would have when she turned one.

I call today's party her "first" second birthday!

Her favorite face..."scary face"! Gosh, could I love her more?

 

Oh, Chloe Rae, there are no words to adequately describe how you changed our lives. You are such a blessing to us.

 

"The first time I saw you was like a dream come true.

No I didn't give you the gift of Life, Life gave me you."

 

Happy first "2nd" birthday, my child, my love!

Mother's Day

While today is such a special day for me, I can't help but think of a mother on the other side of the world who gave me one of my greatest blessings. Not a day goes by that I don't think about her. I wish she could see how much her daughter is cherished. I wish she could see what a blessing she is to us. I just can't comprehend the agony of having to make a choice like she did and then not knowing what happened to my child. I will forever be grateful for this woman who gave her child to me. A gift that came with such tragedy but brought us such joy! Because of her I share today with three beautiful gifts...my treasures!