Adoption-After the first year!

I think I speak for most adoptive mamas when I say we all know that the first year will be tough. We had all mentally prepared for attachment issues, PTSD encounters, tantrums, night terrors, surgeries, sibling issues, food hoarding and over eating, etc....you get the picture! Some of us breezed right through the first year and some of us felt like we were treading water in the middle of the ocean. Athough Chloe didn't experience most of the issues I referenced above I was one of those treading water in the middle of an ocean, in a storm, alone, without hope of a lifeboat. But we all survive and somehow, even though the days seem long the months pass quickly, and we hit the one year home mark.

But what does adoption in the second year look like?

I was thinking about this very thing last night as I rocked my daughter to sleep. (If you are an adoptive mama reading this you know how monumental the rocking part is in and of itself). Though, I would say our lives are just as crazy as the first day we spent at home in the horrible jet lagged fog, we are starting to round the bend to more "typical" crazy.

Here's what I mean...yesterday morning, as I tried to get Gavin off to school Chloe proceeded to open the fridge find the $10.00 bowl of fresh cut fruit (you know the kind you resist at Publix bc who pays $10.00 for a small bowl of fruit, but you buy anyway because who has time to cut fresh fruit). Within a second she had poured the whole bowl of fruit including all the watermelon juice all over the kitchen floor. As I began to pick it up and mop, Chloe proceeded to the family room. I hear a large crack not even a minute later. The crack was a cabinet losing its place in the entertainment center...the wood cracked at the seam. Sweet Jesus!!!!!!!!! This is a typical day in the life scenario for us "after the first year". Here's the beauty in this...these behaviors (although enough to make this OCD mama need to be committed) are typical behaviors of a curious, thriving two year old.

Is adoption simple? No it is not. Does it get easier after the first year? Yes, but it's what I like to call "typical" chaos. Raising a child is chaotic, complicated, and long-term no matter how their life got started.  We have agreed to walk along side our Creator to do some difficult, heart-wrenching work. God is enough for the first days home and he is enough for after the first year. He is enough on the days when your house is destroyed and your floor is sticky. He is enough.

 

Long Overdue Post

It's been months since I have written a blog post. My plan was to really enjoy our summer and not worry so much about keeping up with all the extras like a blog. We really had a great summer and at some point I will post about it here and add some photos. But I write today as I reflect back to this time a year ago when we were in the midst of the brutal surgeries, back and forths to All Children's more times than I can count, and all the while still getting to know our daughter. I spent lots of days in tears as the pre-surgical device caused Chloe so much pain and left me to be the stand in orthodontist so we wouldn't have to travel back and forth every couple days to our surgeon in Tampa. All of this while having a brand spanking new kindergartener and a 3 year old. It was such a crazy time...to be honest it still is. Fast forward a year later we are still in the trenches. The surgeries are behind us for now, but now our days are filled with therapies. Chloe is talking so much more now and has made some really great gains. She is such an amazing, life loving, little girl. I have learned so much from her resilient spirit. Her lip...my heart...both transformed! 

Happy 1st Gotcha Day

Today marks one year since we first laid eyes on our daughter. 

Words will never be able to describe the glory of that day. A dream I dreamt half my life fulfilled...our daughter being placed into our arms in a small Civil Affairs office across the world...watching so many others hug their children for the first time...it was a day that I will never forget and always wish I could relive. 

If I could sum up this year since Gotcha with one word it would be BEAUTIFUL (and whirlwind, but that's two words). We have watched Chloe grow, change, and blossom into such a sweet, busy toddler. We have witnessed our boys becoming brothers. We have met so many new, lifelong friends. We have survived a trip to China, five surgeries, countless doctors visits, hours of therapy. We have learned to be a family of five. We have witnessed God's provision on all of this. 

One only gets a few days in a lifetime as incredible as the day we first saw her face.

 

http://youtu.be/JF08ngyjNoc

Oh happy day Miss Chloe Rae!!

Summer!

It's hard to believe the school year is over. Although I am completely ready for my boys to be home, I feel like we just took their "first day" pictures. This school year (well year in general) went by in a blink. We have accomplished a lot this year! And so have our boys...I couldn't be more proud of them. 

Gavin made his "last day" sign...decked out in bubble letters and googly eyes:)

And this little love had to say goodbye to our beloved Lifesong to make his way to VPK:(

We celebrated the start of summer with one of our faves...Kobe!!

Happy summer!

Hard is just Hard

Eleven months ago...some days it feels like its been 11 months...other days I feel like we were just in China last week. This time last year I was taking a break from work, aching for travel approval, and frantically and emotionally preparing the leave for China. If I am being honest, these last months have been the most difficult, yet rewarding, ever. My friend Kristy recently wrote a post called Simple Truth: When Hard Isn't Easy! I keep going back to her post because I so can relate and I am sure so many of you can as well. Our "hards" all look different...Kristy is a foster mama and has 4 biological children...me, I am an adoptive mama, but maybe the "hard" is infertility, maybe it's loss of a job, cancer,  maybe it's moving when you are perfectly content right where you are. 

Hard is just, well, it's just hard. -Kristy Sutton

We don't often choose hard in this life. We choose comfort, ease and familiarity. But the things worth doing here will most likely carry us away from convenience. -Kristy Sutton 

So our family has decided to choose hard alongside Kristy and so many others. 

Here's what it means for us....

Hard means we chase around a toddler hours each day who doesn't know how to play or attend to an activity. It means we give up a lot of things and friendships because our lives are filled with doctors and therapies. It means oral motor exercises, brushing protocols, massage, and feeling like you never can do enough. Hard means spending less time with our boys and feeling pulled in 5 million directions. It means cleaning up food, bowls, and toys that are thrown countless times a day because our little one can't seem to self regulate. Hard means less money in our bank account. It means night terrors and frustration. Hard means not being the best husband or wife because there is no energy left at the end of the day.

and here's where it gets beautiful...

Hard also means watching a child grow and change and blossom right before your eyes. It means finding joy in little things like watching your daughter pretend play for the first time ever. Hard means an abandoned baby will never know what's it like to wake up alone another day. Hard means eyes that were filled with despair are now filled with light. It means huge applause when your child uses a word instead of a cry. Hard is a face where there was once no expression, but is now filled with huge smiles and belly laughs. Hard means thinking every single day about the mother who gave up her special needs child to live!

so when you say to me, I could never do what you do...its too hard, I know what you mean. really. I do. But I know what you don't know...and probably never will. Hard isn't easy, but its beautiful. -Kristy Sutton 

Chloe's Elmo 2nd birthday

We had such a great weekend celebrating our little love. I love planning parties and it was so fun to plan my first "girlie" bash! Chloe LOVES Elmo and says "Elmo" all the time so I went with him for the theme. I tried to incorporate all the things she loves and I think it was a hit...atleast for her. Gavin was pretty upset it was a "baby" party, but he also enjoyed himself, I think, once the music, dancing, and singing portion finished. I had planned to keep the party pretty simple and small, but ended up collecting quite a bit of stuff and Auntie Andrea supplied all the candy which was one of Chloe's favs! My sweet friend Jaime made one of my favorite pieces of decor...pictures of Chloe from our first days until now all shaped like a 2! It is really amazing to see them all lined up and the complete transformation she's made. All in all it was a wonderful weekend. I am one tired mama especially given our night ended with a car accident for Nick. Thankfully, he is ok and no one else was hurt but his car and another were towed and we were at the seen until 12:30 am after the party. So, today, Chloe's official birthday, we enjoyed some low key fun...pool, naps, Chili's, and Congo River. Mama is off to bed! Happy 2nd Birthday Raezie Girl! We love you soooo very much!

 

Chloe turns TWO

 

This day in China one year ago our baby girl celebrated with a cake we sent with nannies in her orphanage. Today she will have a small party with her FAMILY and so many who love her. In perfect Chloe style, there will be balloons, music, dancing, and cheese!!! 

 

 

I can't believe she is turning two...she has grown and changed so much since the day we first laid eyes on her 13 short months ago.

 

To celebrate this momentous occasion, I wanted her to have a smash cake and pictures just like she would have when she turned one.

I call today's party her "first" second birthday!

Her favorite face..."scary face"! Gosh, could I love her more?

 

Oh, Chloe Rae, there are no words to adequately describe how you changed our lives. You are such a blessing to us.

 

"The first time I saw you was like a dream come true.

No I didn't give you the gift of Life, Life gave me you."

 

Happy first "2nd" birthday, my child, my love!

Mother's Day

While today is such a special day for me, I can't help but think of a mother on the other side of the world who gave me one of my greatest blessings. Not a day goes by that I don't think about her. I wish she could see how much her daughter is cherished. I wish she could see what a blessing she is to us. I just can't comprehend the agony of having to make a choice like she did and then not knowing what happened to my child. I will forever be grateful for this woman who gave her child to me. A gift that came with such tragedy but brought us such joy! Because of her I share today with three beautiful gifts...my treasures!